


Ache

by Lilithangel



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-12
Updated: 2014-08-12
Packaged: 2018-02-12 20:36:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2123820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilithangel/pseuds/Lilithangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He got his soul but getting back to California hadn’t been easy. He didn’t want to return to Sunnydale at any less than his best and the turmoil in his heart and mind made it hard to think. Of course turning up in L.A might not be his best option.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ache

“He could have warned me but he didn’t. Did it for the girl but didn’t know this. Should go back.” It was a bad idea but his thoughts were muddled and he lost his way in the darkness. The boat had docked and when he opened his eyes he was surrounded by warehouses and shipping containers. 

“Shouldn’t be here, this is the wrong place.” He knew it was Los Angeles but he couldn’t tell if it was the first or the last or the next time he’d been there.

His feet were taking him towards the highway back to her even as the ever present hunger scrabbled at his insides. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to eat the rats on the ship; the taste was awful and reminded him of Angelus, relying on brief forays to the live animal pens to steal a drink before the animals became too upset and attracted attention.

He’d tried to tempt other stowaways but it didn’t seem to matter that he didn’t want to kill them or even if he offered the trade of his own body; the chip still forced him to back off and keep to his own side of the ship.

There was a noise, the slip of feet moving almost soundlessly behind him and he turned in time to deflect a stake into his shoulder. The boy who attacked him pulled it back and lunged again. He stumbled back and blocked the shot clumsy in his confusion.

“You smell of Angel and move like a slayer,” Spike said in surprise.

“Shut up monster,” the boy said coming around with a leg swipe that dropped him to the ground. He was weakening fast and the screaming in his head made him stop and wait for the blow that would silence everything.

“Hey,” a voice called out from behind them, “what’s going on?”

The boy glared at Spike and then spun around. He swore when he realised that two security guards were running toward them and faded into the shadows with one last kick to Spike’s injured shoulder.

“Are you all right buddy?” one of the security guards knelt beside him. “Don’t know what that guy’s problem is but we’ve had to chase him off every other day this week. Shit he got you. Steve, call an ambulance.”

“No,” Spike scrambled away from their attention.

“What the hell happened to you man?” Spike’s shirt had ridden up to reveal the still unhealed wounds on his torso.

“For the girl, had to give her what she deserved, but it burns and I tried to dig it out,” Spike struggled to his feet and backed away.

“Shit man,” Steve said in disgust, “it’s another damn junkie. Let’s get the hell out of here. It won’t matter if he’s bleeding to death he won’t appreciate any help.”

“Damn junkies,” the other guard echoed and they let Spike leave. “If we see you around here again I’ll call the cops.”

“Not death, not again,” Spike said to himself, “not yet.”

While he tried to understand the boy that smelt of Angel his feet led him down familiar paths as the prickle of dawn danced on his skin. He would have liked at least a taste of the whiskey from the last time he’d seen the garden but he found places of shadows to hide and hope his presence wouldn’t be noticed through the day.

* * * * *

“What’s up boss?” Gunn watched Angel lurk near the windows at the back of hotel.

“There’s something, someone, I’m not sure,” Angel replied staring intently out of the window.

“Do you think its Connor or a demon? Want me to take a look?”

“No,” Angel shook his head, “it’s nothing, just my imagination.”

Gunn shrugged and put it out of his mind but Angel couldn’t shake the sense of awareness and the feeling that he should know what was out there. When the sun disappeared leaving the back of the hotel in shadow Angel moved quickly into the garden. It felt like family but not and he knew that was wrong somehow.

“Don’t get your knickers in a twist, I’m leaving,” a voice rasped from the corner of the house.

“Spike?”

“In the flesh if not the spirit,” came the reply.

“What are you doing here?” Angel demanded moving towards the voice.

“Got lost, like Hansel and Gretel, didn’t leave any breadcrumbs. You could have warned a fellow you know.”

“Warned you about breadcrumbs, what’s wrong with you Spike?” Angel said.

“Nothing the demons couldn’t cure,” Spike replied, “bugs and fire, I tried to pull it out but I couldn’t. Just let me go,” Spike said his voice heavy with exhaustion.

Angel tracked Spike’s slow movement and pulled him into the moonlight. “What happened to you?” he demanded when he saw the still oozing wound in Spike’s shoulder and the grey cast to Spike’s skin.

“Boy with an attitude who smelt like you but moved like a slayer tried to use me like a kebab,” Spike grinned hollowly.

“Connor,” Angel said, “he left you alive?”

“Not alive but he didn’t dust me, not through want of trying.” Spike pulled back from Angel. “Why does he smell of you, he doesn’t seem your type?”

“No!” Angel recoiled with horror. “He’s… he’s family,” he added lamely.

“Not crazy like Penn, not as angry as Darla, not a vampire,” Spike said, “does he have a soul?”

“Of course he has a soul,” Angel said, “he’s human.”

“Not really human,” Spike corrected, “does it burn him is that the anger? You should have said it would burn and it won’t come out like yours.”

“Has the chip driven you crazy?” Angel asked as Spike tried to skitter away from him.

“Another one of yours Angel?” Gunn said from the doorway with a crossbow aimed at Spike.

“Yes, he’s Drusilla’s but he’s harmless,” Angel said stepping unconsciously in front of Spike.

“What is it with you and your crazy vampire family?” Gunn said without lowering the crossbow.

Angel sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Gunn this is Spike, the government put a chip in his brain which stops him hurting people.”

“So I can’t shoot him?” 

“I’d rather you didn’t,” Angel admitted.

“Does your soul hurt when you kill?” Spike said to Gunn. “I don’t remember it hurting. Of course I didn’t kill anyone before Drusilla’s kiss and the lessons Angelus gave me.”

“It doesn’t hurt to kill monsters if that’s what you’re suggesting,” Gunn said with a glare, “and it wouldn’t hurt me if I put you down.”

Spike nodded seriously. “That’s good, it shouldn’t hurt. She hurt but her fate is to kill, I don’t want it to ever hurt. I just wish they’d stop the screaming.” He dropped to his knees and then collapsed onto his side.

“Dammit Spike, what were you thinking?” Angel gasped as understanding swept over him and crouched beside Spike.

“I think I’ll leave you to your family reunion,” Gunn said uncocking the crossbow and going back inside.

“How Spike and why?” Angel stripped off his jacket and pushed up a sleeve.

Spike blinked up at him. “Told you already didn’t I?”

“Not really.” Angel let his fangs drop, hesitated briefly and then tore his wrist open. 

When the blood hit Spike’s lips he flinched but it only took a moment for instinct to kick in and he grabbed hold of Angel’s hand to bring the sluggishly bleeding wound to his mouth.

Angel sucked in an unneeded breath as Spike latched on, it had been a long time since he’d fed family and he’d pushed aside the memories and the sensations but now they flooded back on a wave of desire.

Family and comfort and need filled his mouth and for the first time in weeks his mind was clear. Had he meant to do it, get his soul? The demon seemed to think it was what his request meant or had it chosen the worst possible outcome to punish him? He could still hear the voices of the dead but Angel’s blood was muting them and he could feel his body knit itself together along with his mind.

Angel had to bite back a groan and shifted to hide his growing arousal. He couldn’t let his desires take over, the risks were too great, not only to his own soul but to his relationship with the humans who would never understand, and his son who would see it as a weakness to exploit. But for a moment at least he could enjoy a connection he had never felt with the soul.

Spike didn’t want to feel a connection to Angel, not as his mind cleared. He wasn’t stupid enough to think he could stay, that Angel would put him before the humans. His place was still in Sunnydale, his redemption and atonement was in the hands of the Slayer not Angel.

Regretfully, slowly they separated but Angel couldn’t resist licking the wound on his wrist clean and Spike watched every movement.

“You still haven’t told me why,” Angel said as he set himself to rights.

“Did something bad, thought I could fix it,” Spike said as he stood. “Demon gave it to me, to be what she needed, what she deserved. You could have told me how loud the voices would be.”

“I never thought you’d be so stupid,” Angel said and Spike snorted.

“I need to get going, bad things are coming and it’s my place to stand,” Spike said. “You never told me how the boy is family.”

“It’s complicated,” Angel replied, “he’s my son.”

“Your son?” Spike looked at him in shock. “Bloody hell you manage to get everything without even trying.”

“It’s not like that, his mother died birthing him, he was stolen from me and he hates me.”

“We all hate you,” Spike said but his heart wasn’t in the mocking. The voices of the dead were starting to get louder again and he needed to see if there was any atonement for him. “I have to get going, it’s a long walk,” he added knowing full well he would steal a car to get there. Neither the soul nor the chip cared about cars.

“It’s not easy,” Angel said as he turned, “the guilt and the memories can overwhelm you but it will get bearable at least. Just… don’t hurt her any more than you have, I don’t want to have to end you.”

“You won’t have to end me, I’ll do it myself if I hurt her again.” Spike said as he left the garden. “Thanks… for the blood,” he added without looking back.

The memory of that blood and that connection will be all that he had to hold onto in the rising dark until a night of comfort and the amulet of a champion is given to him and for a brief moment he will see the sun and then the face of Angel will once again become his focus.

END


End file.
